I am of course no stranger to Old Trafford cricket ground; indeed, I am most partial to a gentle day of leather on willow, particularly since the regular appearance of a Pimms tent at the big games. However, there is apparently another Old Trafford just down the road, where a far less gentlemanly game is played; I have never been to this ground and do not plan to.
Or at least I didn't. And yet today I found myself not only booking tickets to Old Trafford, but having to face the humiliation of signing up as an online member of Manchester United Football Club. Pah. It's all in the name of charity though, as the Sport Relief bandwagon is rolling into town on Sat 1st May in the shape of a charity football match with a superbly random assortment of "stars" on show.
It all starts at 2pm with music from such luminaries as The Saturdays (hope someone will lend them a coat or perhaps a blanket if it's cold that day), Tinchy Stryder (who, quite remarkably, seems to be playing in the game as well) and Tony Christie (hmm...wonder what he will sing? And whether there will be a mystery Northern guest prancing alongside?) before the big game kicks off at 3pm.
"The Reds" line-up includes Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Andy Cole and Dwight Yorke (as well as well-known ex-United players such as, um, Tinchy Stryder and Ronan Keating) and will no doubt be quaking at the sight of "The Rivals" - Paddy McGuinness, Jason Manford, George Lamb etc. "The Rivals" do hold a few aces though in the shape of some of the mighty lions of 1990: John Barnes, Des Walker and Peter Beardsley. And remember, with Peter Beardsley on your side you can't lose, unless it's a beauty contest.
Tickets are priced at £15 for adults and £5 for children; further details from www.sportrelief.com. Am already feeling smug at the inner warmth that comes with giving to charity, even accidentally, and husband is already excited at the unprecedented prospect of a sanctioned trip to Old Trafford - everybody wins.