Gincident with The Liquorists: Boozy Jinks on the High Seas (/Manchester Ship Canal)

Now, whilst it might be a myth that antibiotics and alcohol don't mix, I have to hold my hands up right away and confess to not being on fully top form for my trip on the Good Ship Gin for this year's round of Gincident cruises with The Liquorists. I thought I'd made a pretty good effort by donning a jaunty skull and crossbones neckerchief, but knew from the second that Didsbury Girl, my fragrant plus-one for the evening, came sauntering towards Castlefield Basin sporting an eye patch clearly robbed from her young son's toy box that I was hopelessly out of my depth.

Still, any Liquorists event is worth making an effort for, and Gincident is one of my favourites on their boozy calendar - a lovely jaunt down to Media City on a barge which has essentially been filled with gin and a selection of nice, cocktail-loving people, listening to Tom pontificate and run through his amazing repertoire of accents whilst sipping on cocktails in the manner of a lady. So whilst I may not have managed all of the following, I did at least try...

Welcome drink: a lovely long G & T, made with Caorunn gin, Fevertree Elderflower Tonic Water and a slice of red apple. This was pretty much the perfect start: I tried some of this Scottish gin recently but didn't have any apple to hand - it really did complement the other flavours though, meaning I will have to have a serious rethink on my policy of not ever having any fruit in the house.

Cocktails: you can't say Gincident isn't great value - we had five full-sized cocktails during our voyage (as well as another G & T when we got back to Liquorist HQ at Redbank), and these were they.

1. Opihr Pegu Club - Opihr Gin, apricot brandy, fresh lime and orange bitters. This one was a little strong for me (a fellow salty seadog said it put her in mind of one of those pomanders old ladies hang in their wardrobes) and reminded me of an orange cordial that had been made by a rather heavy-handed person. We agreed a splash of Prosecco would turn this into something far more refreshing (although sadly none of the four ladies at our table had any in their handbag - rather remiss).

2. Blue In Bloom - Bloom Gin, blue curaçao and egg white. I was a little put off by the colour but actually really enjoyed this one - its slight sweetness went perfectly with the spicy curry that was served up alongside it.

3. Message Gin A Bottle - Martin Miller gin, Sicilian lemon juice and a splash of crème de violette. This was a little like an Aviator and I quite liked it, although wasn't entirely sure about drinking from a blue plastic bottle. I suppose it would at least protect your drink if you were forced to walk the plank for some misdemeanor or other (like, for example, not having emergency Prosecco in your handbag).

4. Savannah Collins - Whitley Neill gin and Rooibos iced tea. I didn't like this one, because I don't like Rooibos tea, but everyone else did. In fact, I swapped mine with Didsbury Girl for her...

5. Abbey Martini - Tanqueray 10, fresh orange juice and Martini Rosso. This split the room (/barge) more than a little, but I liked its bitterness and felt it would be an excellent way to ward off scurvy should the driver take a wrong turn and accidentally extend our voyage.

Food: dinner came courtesy of street food traders The Holy Basil, who had somehow knocked up some pretty impressive boxed Thai food, including the sticky rice and fragrant curry that went so well with the Blue in Bloom.

So all in all, not my favourite line-up of Liquorists cocktails (down to my personal taste rather than the quality of the drinks) but great fun all the same. The company was great, Tom is an excellent host, and it's easy to imagine you are bravely sailing the high seas...until you spot the Blue Peter studios through your rain-lashed Manchester barge window.

More details about Gincident 2014 can be found here. I was invited as a guest and was not asked to pay for my ticket.

The Liquorists' Tequila Trail, Northern Quarter, Manchester: Local Girl Remarkably Unscathed

Now, I'm a pretty trusting sort of person. I like to see the good in everyone, and believe that most people tend to act from the best of motives, without recourse to lying, or exploitation, or rudeness, or unkindness (although even I have started hanging up on that company that rings me EVERY DAY to try to sell me loft insulation). Having said that, though, it's taken me a while to really fully trust The Liquorists when they so proudly swing around that promise of theirs about "no hangover guaranteed"; I have had hangovers in the past from one glass of wine, so the concept of five different shots of the same spirit, accompanied by five different cocktails, followed by no regret, is one that I have found hard to buy into. Still, last night I successfully completed my fourth Liquorists trail, and today is my fourth hangover-free-following-a-trail day - a remarkable clean sweep that fully vindicates the trust placed in the ever-genial Tom and Jody and their merrily alcoholic jaunts across town. This week and next week's trails are devoted to that most divisive of spirits: tequila - a particular favourite of mine, but one that I know prompts sad, juddering memories in others. Still, the point of these trails is to introduce you properly to a spirit you may be suspicious of, and I challenge ANYONE not to have a love of tequila after this little lot...

We start at the Liquorists HQ, the less-secret-by-the-day 22 Redbank in the Green Quarter. Here we are served our starter shot of Jose Cuervo Traditional - you can tell I enjoyed it by the fact you see only its empty receptacle pictured here alongside our first cocktail, a classic margarita. I love a margarita, which is always one of my go-to options in any cocktail bar, and this one was right on the money - expertly mixed by Jody, with a zingy tartness and controversial layer of salt round the rim of the glass (Tom hates the salt, and says people only have salt with tequila to take away the taste of BAD TEQUILA). We also eat here - tasty fish tacos, nachos with salsa, guacamole and sour cream, and some corn cobs that I eat in a graceless, strands-stuck-in-teeth sort of manner.

Then we leap into a fleet of waiting taxis (transport is thoughtfully provided when there is a bit of a walk between venues) and make our way to stop number two - Apotheca, one of my favourite bars in the Northern Quarter. Here we have a classy tequila indeed, the Don Julio Reposado, which has "rested" for a year or so in bourbon barrels (this is indeed Mr Liz's kind of resting). It is smooth and flavoursome, although a little drowned out in the accompanying cocktail - our mango and rosemary margaritas are delicious, but taste a little like Soleros and certainly don't taste as if they are alcoholic in any way.

Next up is the ever-entertaining Socio, where we switch our attention to white tequilas in the form of El Jimador Blanco. I am already starting to feel the hit of alcohol here, as you can see by my attempts at what I considered at the time to be arty, moody photography rather than some alcohol-ridden girl randomly, hopefully, snapping at things with her iphone camera. The cocktail is a simple one, a Paloma, which is essentially tequila topped up with Ting, a grapefruity Caribbean soft drink that is like Lilt, only better. I will not reproduce here the analogy used by Tom to describe how good Ting is; not even its essence, for it is FILTH.

Fourth stop is Hula Tiki Bar, a regular stop on the Liquorists Rum Trail, and now pressed into service to provide us with Herradura Tequila Blanco and Tommy Margaritas, served icy cold in winsome tin mugs. This cocktail is most people's favourite of the night - it really is a margarita in its most pared-back form, made with just good-quality tequila, lime juice and a touch of sweetness. Those tin mugs do get pretty cold though - I'm currently typing one-handed as mine from last night is still frozen to my fingers.

Last stop is the newish Kosmonaut Bar, which prides itself on its extensive beer and wine list but also serves up a very moreish cocktail in the form of the Tapatian, a long, sweetish drink offering the unusual combination of tequila with a little cassis, and aptly named due to the presence of our final tequila, the deliciously smooth Tapatio Anejo. We like it in here and Mr Liz has already put in his request to return, perhaps for a beer trail, albeit with just the one stop.

Just a quick word about food; as well as your stomach-lining repast at 22 Redbank, you will also get food pairings at each of the bars you visit - due to teething problems these were not available last night. I promise this is true and it is not that I ate the lot before they could be photographed. In the absence of nibbles, Mr Liz and I rounded off our evening in superlative style with a piece of perfect pizza from Slice Pizza on Stevenson Square - I like to think that the fact that mine was an authentically Italian aubergine slice meant I retained my classy look even as I ate it whilst running for the train.

So, if you've not been on a Liquorists trail before, then you have the rest of this week and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of next week to get yourself onto the Tequila Train - prices start from £30 for a Wednesday night, and although they do get dearer as the week goes on, this is the first time I have placed myself in Tom and Jody's hands on a week night and everything seems to be fine (I assume Mr Liz is safely at work also, rather than lying in a skip somewhere). Maybe it's the fact that you stick to the same spirit rather than mixing your drinks, or maybe it's just the quality of what is served - all five of the tequilas we had last night were 100% agave, which makes then good and pure in the same way that, ahem, organic wine is also good for you. Whatever the reasoning behind it, these men tell the truth: NO HANGOVER, GUARANTEED.

The Thrill of the Chase at The Liquorists: Local Man Runs Amok at the Manchester Food and Drink Festival

A few weeks ago, pretty much the unthinkable happened: Mr Liz was not only allowed out unsupervised, but was also allowed to write about it, here on these very pages. And, turns out you LIKED him, although not as much as he liked himself - he has, it seems, got quite a taste for seeing his words in print. So, due to popular demand (and me having a stomach bug over the weekend), here's Mr Liz's report on his visit to The Liquorists' Thrill of the Chase...

Now it has been said that I am a man of simple tastes. Food, drink and some form of sporting event is usually enough to keep me happy. And this year I have been a happy man indeed, what with the Olympics, the Paralympics, the Champions League, the Ryder Cup, Andy Murray actually winning something that matters - twice (not Wimbledon though) and the most tightly fought Premiership season for many a year.

Unfortunately due to the combination of a great summer of sport and my love of food and drink, I have recently found my waist reaching a level where it was just too uncomfortable shoehorning myself into airline seats. This has led to serious attempts to lose weight, which is why the annual Manchester Food and Drink Festival has come around at exactly the wrong time for me: a plethora of enticing food and drink events, that I am simply not allowed to visit upon pain of an overly tight pair of trousers.

What can I say other than I am weak. On what was one of the wettest Sunday evenings I can remember, where I had every reason to stay home and batten down the hatches, I surrendered to my base desires and turned up at the Green Quarter HQ of The Liquorists for an evening of Chase Vodka.

For both readers of the blog who haven't heard of The Liquorists, they are a fairly recent addition to the Manchester Food and Drink scene whose mission is to give you an education in inebriation. As any veteran of their Whisky, Rum and Gin trails knows the format is straight forward. Top quality alcohol, followed by cocktails made from the self-same alcohol and a small snackeral of food designed to complement the drink interspersed with the story of the drink.

You're not drinking; you're learning...which makes it OK.

At this stage I must admit that the educational elements have occasionally passed me by, but I did manage to note down some snippets of information that stuck in my mind:

1. Chase Vodka is made from potatoes, which is apparently unusual because it's difficult to make and adds to the cost of the spirit, but tastes particularly nice. So potato based Vodka = good.

2. Apparently all of the ingredients of the Vodka (and Gin) that was on offer is sourced from the same farm. This means that the food miles associated with the distillery are in the single digits, which means you can sit down and enjoy your drink while thinking of how much good you are doing for the environment. Probably.

Now, Vodka is the base for some absolutely iconic drinks, such as the Bloody Mary or the Vodka Martini. And I like both of them, but I’ve never been too convinced with Vodka as a neat drink. But if there were ever a bunch of guys who can convince me otherwise, their name is The Liquorists.

And so onto the drinks.

In order of drinking they were: Chase Vodka, John Collins, Chase Gin, a cocktail with no name, Smoked Vodka, a Vesper based cocktail (this containing Chip Dry White Port in place of Kina Lillet - which is substantially better tasting than the name would suggest), Marmalade Vodka, Marmalade Bagliato (which was a mix of prosecco and Marmalade Vodka) and finished off with a bonus Apple Vodka. All served with a variety of canapés specially chosen to complement the drinks and enhance the flavour.

Now that is a great selection of drinks, all of which were very much enjoyed. Yet if I were to rank them in order of preference, the Vodkas with the more intense flavours won out over the base Vodka every time, with a particular mention going to the Smoked Vodka and the Marmalade Vodka.

Even after all of this I’m still not convinced about Vodka on its own. I drank some neat Vodka that was substantially better than the majority that have passed my lips over the years, yet the cocktails were also improved by a similar margin. Sorry guys, but my neat tipple of choice will remain the Whisky until further notice.

Obviously, just to be on the safe side, I may have to sample some more Vodka at a later date*. I know I’ve got a bottle of Marmalade Vodka occupying shelf space at home right now and I suspect that this won't be the case for much longer.

So great evening, great company, great food, great Liquor, not so great weather. Well you can't have everything. I can't personally wait until the Tequila trails hit Manchester later this year: perhaps someone can tell me what the point of the worm in the bottle is.

* For Educational purposes, so that makes it alright

So, thanks to selfless Mr Liz, although I feel duty bound to remind him that the bottle of Chase Marmalade Vodka at home is MINE, and offer in passing the casual observation that, judging from his photos, he doesn't seem to have moved from the bar all evening. You can find out more about the lovely Liquorists here, and the delicious Chase Distillery here.

The Liquorists' Rum Trail: Manchester Rejoices at NO HANGOVER GUARANTEED

Amongst the many good things about getting older (better wine, better shoes, better restaurants, going to bed early with no shame, thinking about joining the Women's Institute), lurk one or two that are not nearly so welcome - hangovers, for one. Of course, it may just be that when I was younger I simply adopted the unarguably effective practice of never stopping drinking, thereby delaying the inevitable through a continuous "topping-up" process, but I just don't remember having real, work-stopping hangovers until I was about 25. Now, I sometimes get hangovers when I've not even been drinking, and it is with great relief, therefore, that I can confirm that The Liquorists' mighty promise of "No Hangover Guaranteed" continues to hold good - for me, anyway.

If you've seen my previous posts on The Liquorists, you'll know that they are - to use their own words - "plonk pushers": in other words, they organise devilishly alcoholic trips around Manchester based on one particular spirit. We've previously blazed the Whisk(e)y Trail around the Northern Quarter and sailed upon the mighty Gin Barge; last night, it was the turn of RUM - six bars, six tots of rum, six rum cocktails and - most importantly - NO HANGOVER GUARANTEED.

*ignores cries of "can't be done!" from the back*

The trail started at 7pm in Hula Bar, a blink-and-you'll-miss-it little gem tucked away on one of the corners of Stevenson Square. Here, we met 14 other cheery souls all similarly intent on the pursuit of rum goodness, and Barry, our genial host for the night, doled out the first rations of the night - Plantation Rum by Bibendum Spirits, a clear, slightly sweet shot that slipped down no trouble at all. The deliciously tangy Atlantic Boat Club Daiquiri soon went the same way and we were swiftly moved on, despite the fact that Hula were playing Tiffany and I wanted to stay.

A brief, brave walk through the rain (luckily I had my virtual rum mac on) brought us to Keko Moku. This was my least favourite venue of the night simply because it was so busy - normally on a trail you sit in a specially reserved area, but the pocket-sized nature of Keko made this impossible. Still, we very much enjoyed the shot of 12-year-old El Dorado Rum (most people's favourite drink of the night) and the accompanying Swizzle cocktail, which contained both blood orange AND tea, and is therefore clearly suitable for promotion as a breakfast item.

Next up, Odd Bar, and a bit of a departure from the shot-and-cocktail theme: here, our Matusalem rum was served with a glass of pale ale. Now, I prefer a cocktail to a beer any day of the week and therefore sacrificed my glass to the greater good (ie not having a hangover the following day), but those who tried it proclaimed the combination to be a triumph - especially Mr Liz, who remained suspiciously quiet on where exactly my pale ale might have disappeared to.

Fourth stop was Tusk, a venue I very much liked as the musical selection (like Hula) seemed to suggest that we were somewhere in the late 80s/early 90s, although it was perhaps all a little too brightly lit to flatteringly showcase a group of people who had been necking strong spirits for several hours now. Here we had a shot of the 63% Wray and Nephew Jamaican Rum (which we found was much easier to drink with the addition of a splash of water) and a lovely cocktail described as halfway between a daiquiri and a margarita.

Just across the road now to the newish bar/deli/restaurant The Blue Pig, a very promising venue if the platters of bread, cheese and meat that we devoured here are anything to go by. On my way to the toilet I was beckoned over by a young man who seemed very keen to speak with me, my rum-induced delusions (still got it, even though I'm a hundred and ninety five years old, still hot even after twelve pints of rum, etc etc) cruelly shattered when it transpired that he'd been admiring the bottle of Brugal Blanco on our table and wondered how much it cost to buy. MEH.

Finally, we were whisked away in a fleet of taxis to our last, secret location (not actually that secret if you know ANYTHING about The Liquorists, but I won't spoil the surprise) for Pussers Navy Rum, a Painkiller cocktail (essentially rum and coconut milk in a tin mug) and a big fat Thai Green Curry just to soak up some of that booze. Whilst you do get little taster platters at each venue, nothing placates a rum-filled stomach like curry and rice, and I say this after years of extensive scientific testing (*notes with some satisfaction that all those years at university were not, in fact, wasted*).

So, once again, a great night was had by all. The Liquorists are brilliant people - enthusiastic, generous and knowledgeable, and their trails are great value. We went on a Friday, but prices are from as little as £35 a head if you go on a Wednesday night - see the website for full details as the Rum Trail runs until the end of September. And the very fact that I'm sitting here at 9.30 the next morning writing up the blog should prove that it's true - The Liquorists really do offer NO HANGOVER GUARANTEED...*

*NB, those on the trail (naming no names) who sloped off to Whim Wham or Socio Rehab afterwards and drank MORE have no-one to blame but themselves - you have broken the terms of the GUARANTEE *stern face*

The Liquorists' Gin Barge: Local Girl Drinks Gimlets on the High Seas (Sort of)

As previously discussed, there are certain words in the English language that quite naturally collocate; in other words, they go together, like bacon and eggs, salt and pepper, and cheese and anything. Then, a pair of bold young bar consultants going by the name of The Liquorists dared to put two words together in a thrilling new combination that has literally been stopping people in their tracks when they hear it for the first time: GIN and BARGE. Yes, that's right, a Gin Barge this weekend set sail on Manchester's fair waterways, packed to the gunnels with cheery folk frankly over-the-moon to be plied with strong liquor at one o'clock in the afternoon - but more of that later.

The day, snappy entitled "Gincident" (a blend which pleases the English teacher in me as well as the alcoholic) begins with a marvellous sight - the jaunty L.S. Lowry barge making its way into the Castlefield Basin, with Tom - one half of The Liquorists - standing gloriously astern and waving in a jubilant, I-have-a-ship-full-of-gin-here manner (the other half of the dynamic duo, Jody, was presumably inside doing the actual work, making our lunch and supervising the welcoming G & T that greeted us as we boarded). As well as this warm-up drink, over the course of the three-hour cruise (basically down to The Mark Addy and back again) we received ALL of the following:

- Clever, educational stuff from Tom. Whilst the admirable on-board barman whipped up our drinks, Tom told us all about gin, its history, and the cocktails which we were about to receive (and for which we were indeed truly grateful). In the wrong hands, such talk can be merely something you tolerate whilst impatiently awaiting your next beverage, but Tom is funny, and engaging, and completely able to continue with his spiel even when faced with a hen party wearing large, bushy moustaches in his direct line of vision. A true professional.

- Five gin-based cocktails. Yes, five full-sized, full-strength cocktails IS a lot for an afternoon, but in the same way that calories don't count if you eat standing up, alcohol units don't count if consumed whilst on water*.

*not necessarily true.

The drinks we had are artfully dotted around this luxuriously gin-soaked page; they were brought to us at our table at regular intervals, and comprised the following:

1. The Martinez, the forerunner of the Martini - deliciously strong and sweet but quite astonishingly unsuitable for a girl who is rubbish at afternoon drinking. Luckily, I was able to swap it with one of the moustachioed hens for something else.

2. The Singapore Sling, a refreshing and sweet contrast to the preceding drink, with its jaunty combination of pineapple juice, Benedictine and, erm, gin.

3. The Bramble. EVERYONE loves a Bramble: this was LUSH.

4. The Gimlet. One of the hens disliked this, because it "tasted of gin". Not surprising really - it's gin, lime juice, gin, and some more gin.

5. The Marmalade Collins. I'd never tried this one before; it turned out to be a long, refreshing, sweet-yet-tart affair. I also feel it would make an excellent breakfast item, due to its citrus spread-based content.

- In the midst of so much booze, a large, soaky-up sort of repast was clearly called for if we weren't to slowly, helplessly, topple overboard like inebriated lemmings. Now, you'd think that preparing such a feast - in a four feet square kitchen whilst bobbing along the Ship Canal and being heckled by a number of people baying loudly for gin - would be an impossibility: not so. Plate after plate of delicious cold buffet items appeared one by one at our table - salads, couscous, potatoes, pasta...even a cold sausage platter (apologies to the hens, who got little of this last dish once Mr Liz had spotted it). Obviously you don't come on this sort of event for the food, but it certainly matched the high standard of the rest of the day.

Most of the tickets for Gincident were sold months ago, the good people of Manchester clearly knowing a good thing when they heard it. However, as the merry barge will sail every Friday night and every Saturday and Sunday afternoon for the next few weeks, it's worth following The Liquorists on Twitter (@theliquorists) or Facebook in case of last minute cancellations and availability. It's great value at £45, and that "no hangover guaranteed" promise that they so boldly offer? Well so far, it's true*.

*Further testing deemed advisable.