Appyfeet, Mardyfish...New Foot Spa Opens at Manchester Arndale

Take a good, long look at your feet. Yes, I know you may have to remove your nice thick woolly tights or big fluffy slippers for this, but go on. Now, are they a pretty sight? Thought not. The winter months play havoc with one's nether regions, rendering those pretty tanned tootsies of summer a dim and distant memory. Dry skin? Check. Chipped nail polish in an inadvisably floozy colour left over from Christmas? Check. What you need is a fleet of eager young fish, ready and waiting to eat away at all those weeks of neglect and transform your horny hoofers into sleek, beautiful dancing implements.

As luck would have it, Appyfeet has now opened a branch in the Manchester Arndale to add to the existing Trafford Centre branch, and thousands of hungry fish would like nothing more than to get nibbling. I have not yet tried the fishy treat - soon, soon - and I have the following questions/concerns:

- does it tickle? And will the fish mock and point if I start laughing?

- would the fish like me to go for a pedicure first? Or are they not bothered? Have visions of fleet of snooty fish turning up noses (do fish have noses?) at feet in manner of silly shop assistant refusing to serve Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman and me having to tell them they've made a big mistake, HUGE

- is nail varnish poisonous to fish? As I am very partial to a certain brand that costs but £1.50 per pot, I cannot help fearing that it must contain a range of nasties that might prove fatal to the little Garra Rufa fish chowing down on the remnants of Golden Goddess, and it would be most embarrassing to have to explain this whilst trying to sneak out the back entrance and lose oneself in the Arndale.

- are the fish ALWAYS hungry? Is there not a danger your turn will come and they will be full of other people's dead skin already? I would hate to get there to find a load of bloaty fish lying about belching and settling down to watch a bit of telly after a particularly bounteous feast, and showing absolutely no interest in my own tasty extremities whatsoever.

Hopefully all these questions - and more, like who on earth thought of this? - will be answered when I visit the new branch later this month. In the meantime, feel free to visit for yourself and let me know exactly what I'm letting myself in for...no getting those fish too full though.